Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize