Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
