I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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