i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
