Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
