Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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