I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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