How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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