I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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