I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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