just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
