i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
