mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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