so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
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I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
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he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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