She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
