First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
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She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
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First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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