I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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