we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
