Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
