i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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