hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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