Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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