Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
