I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
