can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
