Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Princesses don't give blow jobs
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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