i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
