My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
