Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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