Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
