dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
