i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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