Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
