you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
