Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
