I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
