He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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