ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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