Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
