I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
