Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
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I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
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There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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