the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
