cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
