I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
honey bunches of taint.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Randomize
