My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
