I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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