If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
