I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
He's on the porch naked. Help.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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