Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
