wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
