Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
