I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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