the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
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You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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