my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
