im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
