living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
