i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
