i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
