im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
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