but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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