God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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