everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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