stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
