in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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