i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
