Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
we made out on top of his cat.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
