Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
