i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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