she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
