You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
