Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
