Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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