I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
