i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
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