you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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