last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize