well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
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Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
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Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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