Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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