I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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